100 things to do with:
by The Inu-pup
Summary: [FINISHED] shippou got a hold of kagome's typewriter and starts out by writing 100 things to do with: a dead kouga! what will he write next? R&R! no flames. it's just a dumb story. why get worked up enough over it to write hate mail?
1. a dead kouga

I like kouga as much as the next person, but I was being hyper at a slumber party, and I wasn't allowed to talk about anything Inuyasha related. So of course, I did. I had to stop though cause people thought I was going crazy so I made a list in my mind of what to do with a dead kouga. He's cute, in a jerky way. (Kidding, yeesh)

P.S. deleted this story because it was a list so I'm writing it in story form. But if you want to count 'em, there are 100 there.

You get the idea. Onto the story! Awaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!

* * *

"Finally, I get to create!" I yelled to the world. I had finally stolen Kagome's 'Ti-puh-ri-ter' and I will write! But what should I write about? I will write a list, a list of 100 things to do! But with what should it be? Let's start with, a dead kouga!

* * *

**100 things to do with: a dead kouga!**

I would take his shards then Mess with his hair.

We could play barber and I would shave his hair off.

Extreme makeover!

Get rid of that fur mini skirt (that is what I thought it was at first!)

Burn the mini skirt.

Reenact Kikyou's death. (Wink wink)

Dress him up as Kikyou.

Try to pass him off as Kikyou to Inuyasha and see if he buys it.

Chop him up and try to put him back together

Play pool with the pieces if I can't put him back together.

Send those pieces to my friends!

Them to his friends!

Cut him into even smaller pieces

Throw them into the air and yell, "it's snowing!"

Yell, "The sky is falling!" instead.

Instead of chopping him up I could cut off his tail and

Play 'pin the tail on the kouga'.

Make a list of 100 things to do with him.

Make Kagome Take him out on a date (cause it will make Inuyasha jealous)

Then make her take him to the Sady Hawkins dance.

Wait till he's nice and rotten and then take him to a party and say, "phew! What's that smell?"

Cut him up and put Him on a plate and say its cubed cheese.

Invite his friends to a party and feed them the cubed cheese

Tell them who it is and take pictures of their reactions.

Run for my life with the kouga cheese

Use the kouga cheese as a weapon and throw it at his friends to protect my self.

Convince them I was joking and that it isn't kouga while kagome gets the film developed.

Find Seshomaru and get him to revive him

Tell Kouga what I've done so far

Show him the pictures of his friends' reactions.

Because a living kouga is too busy thinking about Kagome,

Kill him again.

Take him fishing

Use him as bait when the fish don't bite.

Take him to a cemetery on Halloween and set up a sign near the entrance that says, "Dead end" if he lasts that long.

Make him wear sunglasses and wave at people as the drive by the cemetery.

Kick his ass when he keeps falling over because I can.

I'd take his fur mini and the rest of his outfit (yes, burnt) and try to convince Ayame I am kouga and barely survived a horrible battle.

Make a dress out of him and give it to her, even if she could probably smell whom it is made out of.

Run for my life some more.

Marvel at how hard making a list of a hundred things to do actually is.

Sit him against a tree and see how long his minions talk to him before they realize he's dead.

Turn him into a mannequin and have him 'talk' back to them.

Use him as my dummy at a talent contest.

If I win, I'd smash him on the stage like one of those rock stars

If I lose, I'd blame him and throw him in the dumpster.

I'd become a ruthless tyrant and Make my friends search for him in the dumpster

If they can't find him, make 'have you seen this dead guy' posters.

Brag to all my friends that I could run faster than him when I found him.

If they believe me, I'd rub it in his face (even though he is dead)

If they don't, I'd race him and bet all your money on me. (Yes, your cash)

I would race him anyway and Use him as the first place trophy.

Spend all the money I won from the race on buying kouga presents for him to give me.

Use him as a surfboard or a snowboard or a skateboard.

Use my new surf/snow/skate boards on a molten lava/frozen nitrogen/field of glass racetrack.

Clean him up

Bring him to a job interview and see if anyone notices.

Then if I had a big breakfast, I'd try to get him that job at the perfume shop. (Wink wink)

If that fails, I could always try the local general store

If there is more failure, everyone is accepted at McDonalds!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And if even that won't work, I can start a dog walking business

If he is just good for nothing, sell chew toys! (Meaning him)

Trade him for a giant meatball

Eat the meatball (Mmm gooooooood!!!!)

Try to buy him back and

Decide that Instead of just buying him, I'd plot to steal him back (the guy should just give him back to me.)

Start a mission to memorize the James Bond theme

Buy lots of black clothing.

Then I'd be a freak and Steal him back while wearing the black clothes and humming the James Bond theme.

Just for fun, put him back.

Practice your haggling skills when you buy him back

If you pay more than one dollarmake the guy eat Kouga's gym socks

If you pay less yell at the guy "you don't know the worth of a gigaplatz from a garden variety wergator" and mess with his mind a little till he runs away crying.

When it is cold enough, pour cold water on him and turn him into an ice sculpture

Put him on a stick and eat him like a Popsicle

Spit him out 'cause dead guys taste bad

Bring him to Kagome's school

Try to teach kids subtraction! (If kouga had two arms and we rip one off how many arms are left?)

Use one of the arms used the subtraction problem above as a javelin

Get into the Olympics and use the other arm

Use his kidney as a shot put

Tie his arms and legs together so they form a really long pole and enter the pole-vaulting competition

If I get a gold medal-throw my kouga equipment out into the crowd

If I get a silver medal-hit the gold medallist up side the head with your 'shot put'

If I get a bronze-roll kouga up into a ball and give it to the U.S. women's soccer team to use as a ball.

If I didn't get a medal at all-use kouga as a subject in my experiment to invent a spray I can use to turn the judges into ice cream sandwiches

Use the spray on the judges

Eat the ice cream

Trick his friends into thinking I'm him and use the ice cream spray on them!

Eat more ice cream

Ask kouga, "How in the world will I ever get to 100?"

Scream when he replies, "make it shorter."

Point at him and babble incoherently about talking corpses

Hit the 'dead' kouga over the head with a shovel

Bury the now unconscious 'zombie' in my hidden garden

Plant corn in the garden so no one can find the body

Eat lots of corn (I'm hungry. Can't you tell)?

Be sad that the fun is almost over

Try to cheer myself up by digging up his grave

Ask kouga if he would like this list sent to him

Try to run from the real kouga who is still living and actually prove I can run faster than him

If I can't run faster than him-don't scream, it only makes him kill slower

If I can run faster-go back to my home planet cause I'd be a freakin' alien!

Jump for joy! He's dead!

* * *

"Ah!" I screamed when Kagome took back her 'ti-puh-ri-ter.'

"Shippou! This is not a very nice list!" she yelled. I'm sure it wasn't at me. She must be talking about another Shippou.

"Let me see this!" Inuyasha said. He was very rude and just grabbed it from Kagome. Then he started laughing! He was so mean.

"It wasn't that funny!" Kagome said. But she started to laugh too! They're both so mean! Then I left so I could hand write a new list: 100 things to do with a giggling couple of twits!

* * *

Sorry if some if the things are 'you' instead of 'I'. Just try to remember Shippou is writing this and hopefully won't delete this, cause if they do, I'm giving up. Remember,I like thesecharacters as much as the next person; it is Shippou that is writing the hate lists. I'll have the next chapter up as soon asI have enough time with the two other fics i'm juggling (which it too much for me right now) and all the other ideasI want to turn into stories. hopefully, i can incorperate my new ideas into my old fics and cut down on my stress load, but don't expect a new chappie anytime soon. 


	2. a giggling couple of twits

People pushed and pushed for met to write 100 things to do with: a couple of giggling nitwits, or whatever it was, and I decided I would. So, here it goes!

* * *

"I'll show them! I'll show them all! This new list will be what I would do with a giggling couple of twits!" I shouted to the sky to inform it on the events that were happening here on the ground. Just then, myoga showed up, grumbling about how he was not a coward and only ran away to tend to something twice as important as a stupid battle. I asked him if he wanted to help and he agreed after telling me the legend of something. I couldn't remember. I think I fell asleep. I was lucky I woke up at the same time he finished or I would be in trouble.

"So, let's start this list now that you are aware of the dangers of paper cuts." Myoga said.

* * *

100 things to do with: a giggling couple of twits!1. Throw dirt at them 

2. Throw water at them

3. Throw mud at them

4. Throw a bucket of demon slime at them

5. Invite your friends over so they can't be all lovey-dovey

6. Plot to break up their fun

7. Plot to break up their cool stuff

8. Plot to break them up

9. Do all of that breaking up except for breaking them up

10. Steal one and see what the other does

11. Give the one you stole back so you can just steal them again just before they get back together (the pain will be twice as hard)

12. Light a bunch of sticks in fire and March around their house on a new moon night (just to scare the crap out of them)

13. Put spiders in their sleeping bag

14. Put in a squirrel

15. Put in a cup of cottage cheese

16. Put hot coals in the bottom of one so he touches his feet to them

17. Hit him on the head as hard as he hits you

18. Hit him again

19. Brick them up in a very small room and see how long it takes for them to go insane (as if they weren't already)

20. Set up a cage in front of the door and open it so that they run into the cage when they go out

21. Mess with their minds till they are crying

22. Let one of them go so they can make you a sandwich and eat the sandwich while you continue to mess with the other's mind

23. Have the one that is free make a lot of ramen and set it just out of the other's reach

24. When they try to grab the ramen, tickle them

25. Then hit them

26. Hit them again

27. Hit them one more time for good luck

28. Create the amazing "Shippou's traveling flea circus" featuring myoga!"

* * *

"What? Shippou's traveling flea circus! Isn't that a little too crazy?" I asked myoga.

"I may be small, but I have dreams too!"

"You want to be the star in a circus?"

"Fine! If you are going to undermine my dreams then you can write this on your own!" he shouted at me.

"Fine! The ones you thought of were weird anyway!" I shouted back. Hey, I wrote that one about kouga! Another 100 things to do with a couple of giggling twits shouldn't be too hard!

* * *

Two hours later:

"This should be easy! I mean it's only 100! And it's for two people! It should really be 50 things to do with Inuyasha and another 50 to do with Kagome added on! This stinks!" I yelled to the sky. It is actually really popular to yell at the sky. No one likes him because:

* * *

1. He rains on your parties

2. He doesn't rain candy on your parties

3. He's to far up to hit

4. He can't even hear us cause he's too high up

5. If he does hear us, he doesn't do what we say (like let it be summer forever!)

6. He makes scary storms to scare us

7. He sends ice balls down to hit us

8. He never shows up! No one has ever seen him ever!

* * *

"Aaaaah! Why can't I stop thinking in lists!" I screamed at myself as I punched my paper over and over again.

* * *

Probably because:

1. I was frustrated

2. I was crying out for attention

3. I'm a crybaby

* * *

"I'm doing it again!" I shrieked as I pulled out some hair in my frustration.

"You okay Shippou?" killala asked me.

"I need a vacation. I'm going insane." I said wide eye-ed because killala had 'talked' to me.

And then I ran to Kagome had an enormous dinner and slept for the next two days straight in Kagome's back pack. And I apparently also missed out on killing Naraku, or even being there to see it. I then vowed to never take another vacation but broke down when I was 50 and went to the Bahamas with Kagome since Inuyasha wished that everyone could go through the well with Kagome instead of being demon. (I think Kagome 'sat' him into it)

* * *

there. this is what i do when i have writer's block. maybe you could read some of my other fics by clicking on my name and then you can reveiw them so i don't feel so bad. then i can actually take the time to write and actual 100 instead of about 30. too bad, so sad. no one ever reviews unless i threaten to **kill off one of the main characters**. oops! i did it again. **review or kagome gets it!** just kidding! man! you guys take things too seriously!


	3. 100 THINGS TO DO TO GET EVEN!

Part 3

Here it is so you can all stop bugging me.

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha cause my mom said it would be bad for my health.

* * *

"STUPID FLEA! I'll show them. Every single last one!" I yelled to the sky in frustration.

* * *

**100 things to do: to get even!**

Make a flea circus and let Myoga join it.

Fire him the instant I hire him

Transform into Kagome and talk to Inuyasha

Say I love him

Say I was kidding and that he's stupid if he says he loves me too

Repeat with Kagome

The next time Miroku gropes Sango, unleash his Kazaana and make him suck her up!

Steal Totosai's hammer and hit people with it

Transform into Kagome again and wait for Kouga to show up

Repeat steps 4-5 with him

Transform into Kikyou

Repeat steps 4-5 with Inuyasha again

Transform into Sango

Repeat steps 4-5 with Miroku

Repeat step 4-5 with anyone else who even looks at me

Put worms in the spaghetti

Put dirt in the brownies

But bugs in the ice cubes

Serve a lovely dinner for everyone to say I'm sorry by using steps 16-18

Laugh when they gag

Laugh when they puke

Laugh anyway

Point and laugh

Run into forest when they chase me

Make them run through lots and lots of booby traps

Push them into the dirt

Push them into a pot of boiling water

Cook them

Sprinkle them with pepper till they sneeze

If they try to get out, throw salt in their eyes

Throw in a few vegetables

Add some garlic

Serve the soup to anyone that will eat it

Tell them how you made it

Kill them so they won't tell

Make more soup

Repeat steps 26-36 a couple times

Eat all the soup

Get that full happy feeling that comes after a good big meal

Belch loudly cause it's rude

Be sad that you can't take out my revenge on anyone anymore

Shrug

Decide I don't care

Laugh manically

Join a new group that is trying to kill Naraku

Repeat steps 1-45 a couple times

Be sad that I've effectively killed everyone in the world

Shrug

Decide I don't care

Join Naraku's group

Repeat steps 1-45

Be sad that I'm all alone in the world

Shrug

Decide I don't care

Find all the jewel shards

Wish that everyone was alive again

Wish that my sanity hadn't driven away in a taxi cab

Wish that I had a football helmet filled with cottage cheese

Wish that it was strawberry juice instead

Eat the juice

Repeat steps 1-60 as much as I want

Realize that this list is a lot easier to write than the others

Wonder why

Shrug

Decide I don't care

Ponder the meaning of the word, "ponder"

Decide it means to think about

Destroy whoever thought of it

Realize that they were already dead

Shrug

Decide I don't' care

Realize that I shrug a lot

Shrug

Decide I don't care

Think about writing another list

Wonder what it would be about

Decide it should be about food

Realize that I'm hungry

Repeat steps 26-36

Hum a happy tune

Learn how to do the chicken dance

Teach everyone else or threaten to repeat steps 1-54

Smile while the entire world is doing the chicken dance

Proclaim my self lord of the flies because it is the name of a book

Decide I will be the lord of all that is cool

Decide I will be the lord of everything

Decide I will be a god

Use the shikon jewel to make me a god

Be sad that it made me the god of craziness

Shrug

Decide I don't care

Make everyone in the world crazy

Make the other gods crazy

Make my self the god of the gods

Laugh

Be amazed at all my power

Wonder where it all came from

Decide it all started when Kagome and Inuyasha laughed at my list of what to do with a dead Kouga

Shrug

Decide I don't care

* * *

"shippou! have you finally gone insane?" kagome asked me when she read the list.

"nope!" i replied.

"the crazy are so blissfully unaware of how insane they really are." a little girl all of a sudden appear behind me.

"so true, so true." i commented.

"who are you talking to?" kagome asked me.

"this girl i just met. she's right there." i said as i pointed to her.

* * *

"that is why you never tell someone who your talking to if they ask. they'll lock you up in a soft cushiony room and tie your hands together with a really weird jacket. i hope you will learn this lesson a lot better than i did." i told the girl that had gotten me into so much trouble.

"don't worry about me. worry about the rats!"

"rats! i hate rats. they make me crazy. i was crazy once. they put me in a room. a rubber room. a rubber room with rats.rats! i hate rats. they make me crazy. i was crazy once. they put me in a room. a rubber room. a rubber room with rats.rats! i hate rats. they make me crazy. i was crazy once. they put me in a room. a rubber room. a rubber room with rats.rats! i hate rats. they make me crazy. i was crazy once. they put me in a room. a rubber room. a rubber room with rats.rats! i hate rats. they make me crazy. i was crazy once. they put me in a room. a rubber room. a rubber room with rats.rats! i hate rats. they make me crazy. i was crazy once. they put me in a room. a rubber room. a rubber room with rats.rats! i hate rats. they make me crazy. i was crazy once. they put me in a room. a rubber room. a rubber room with rats.rats! i hate rats. they make me crazy. i was crazy once. they put me in a room. a rubber room. a rubber room with rats.rats! i hate rats. they make me crazy. i was crazy once. they put me in a room. a rubber room. a rubber room with rats.rats! i hate rats. they make me crazy. i was crazy once. they put me in a room. a rubber room. a rubber room with rats.rats! i hate rats. they make me crazy. i was crazy once. they put me in a room. a rubber room. a rubber room with rats............................."

**THE END**


	4. Morons!

Part 4

Disclaimer: I don't own 'em

* * *

"Well, what should we do? Naraku's dead, the jewel has been destroyed and Shippou's crazy from writing those lists of what to do with things." Inuyasha asked.

"I don't know." Miroku replied.

"I'm bored. Maybe we should write a list of things to do with a crazy Shippou. Then we can do all the fun ones!" Kouga offered.

"Sounds good. Miroku can type!" Inuyasha shouted gleefully.

"I don't think this is a very good thing to do!" Miroku warned.

"Who cares what you think! Get typing slave!" Kouga said as he hit Miroku upside the head.

"Yeah, what he said!" Inuyasha said as he too hit the poor misused and abused monk.

"Yes sir." Miroku said meekly as he started typing frantically.

* * *

To whom it may concern:

I am a monk. I am being held captive by a half-dog demon named Inuyasha and a full wolf demon named Kouga. I don't know how long I will be able to survive this, but here's my last will and testament:

Sango and Kagome get everything. The rest get diddly squat.

I hope this will fall into good hands.

* * *

"Hey this doesn't look like a very good list!" Kouga grabbed the paper from Miroku's hands.

"It isn't even one at all!" Inuyasha exclaimed.

The two demons turned to yell at the monk, but he had already high tailed it to the nearest safe haven from angry demons.

"Damn! He ran off." Kouga muttered.

"Hey! He doesn't have to write it. We can always just think of things to do." Inuyasha exclaimed, a light bulb dangling above his head.

"Hey, what's this?" Kouga said, tugging at the levitating light source.

"I don't know. That's never happened before." Inuyasha stated.

"It's an idea you morons." Sango said.

"Oh. I've never seen one before." Kouga continued.

"Wow. It's bright." Inuyasha said, shielding his eyes.

"It's preeeeeetyyyyyyyyy." Kouga stared.

* * *

Yup, they're morons. This is my second chappie in one day so you'll have to wait till tomorrow for the next one. Sorry! 


	5. punishment sorry to the good people

Part 5

Disclaimer: I don't own 'em

* * *

"It has come to my attention that certain people have been flaming my story and my lists." I said to the crowd. Insane people are very good listeners.

"Now I want to go over what the summary says, then we can make a list of 100 ways to kick their butts."

"But Shippou, sir, isn't that not allowed on the fanfics?" talkative Tom asked.

"Darn, your right. They won't post it. Then we'll make a list of 100 things to do to make Inuyasha and Kouga not so dumb." I replied.

"But that will be too hard!" sobbing Sally whined.

"Yeah! That's impossible!" stop watch Sam exclaimed.

"Then we'll make a list of 100 things to do to make this story so perfect they'll have to like it!" I screamed. The insane might listen well, but man do they whine a lot!

* * *

What the summary says:

Shippou got a hold of Kagome's typewriter and starts out by writing 100 things to do with: a dead Kouga! What will he write next? R&R! No flames. It's just a dumb story. Why get worked up enough over it to write hate mail?

Emphasis on:

_**No flames. It's just a dumb story. Why get worked up enough over it to write hate mail?

* * *

**_

"Now I want to lecture you on why your all idiots if you come to an Inuyasha story, read it, and then review saying it is stupid and your not even a fan." I said.

After an awkward silence, I continued.

"Well, I guess that just kind of speaks for itself huh?" I asked. After a few minutes of nodding heads and mumbling words of agreement, we continued with our plan.

* * *

**100 things to do to make this story perfect!**

Find everyone who thinks it's stupid.

Separate the ones who are Inuyasha fans from the ones who aren't

Let the ones who aren't, go (unless they read it intentionally just to be mean and say not nice things.

Everyone who think Shippou is cute can leave too

Everyone who hates it because it is making Shippou crazy can leave (unless they wrote hate mail)

Beat the remaining people senseless until they beg for mercy

Realize that that is all we can do to them

Decide we will have to make the story better

Wonder why some guy said that this story is so not Shippou's voice when he is the one writing it.

Shrug

Decide we don't care

Decide that everything being spelled perfect would help

Maybe adding one more thing on the end so it would be 101

Wonder if that is a little too much

Shrug

Decide we don't care

Reread our story on the net

Realize that the wonderful numbers don't show up on it

Assure the reviewers that there is indeed 100 up here

Hope they can forgive for getting rid of the beautiful numbers

Plot to get the numbers back on

Find out that is really hard

Decide to give up

Wonder if letters will work better

Remember that there is only 26 letters and 100 things

Subtract 100 by 26

Find out it is either 84 or 74

Realize that we suck at mental math

Shrug

Decide we don't' care

Thank the reviewers who were nice

Apologize for having to punish them along with the bad ones

Urge them to punish the bad ones along with us

Tell them to point and laugh

Announce that I just had a CT scan done one my head

Say that I will find out what is wrong with it on Monday

Say that this is really true

Say that it is only because the doctor's wanna make sure I don't have a sinus infection

Realize that I'm rambling

Shrug

decide I don't care

Thank the Inu-pup for helping me out with this story

Tell her that I hope her CT scan went okay

Give her a cookie

Give the good reviewers a cookie

Promise that another chapter that is a good one is one the way

Tell them I just have to escape from this place soon

Tell them that the security gives everyone who leaves a lollipop and if they hyperventilate, decide they are insane people trying to get out

The innocent sane people who have fallen prey to this went crazy a while ago

Be sad that the good always are the first to go

Shrug

Decide I don't care

Wonder what Inuyasha and Kouga are doing

Decide they are probably still staring at that light bulb

Shake my head

Sigh

Climb into the ventilation system

Hum the James Bond theme

Wear black

Escape

Run out into the open

See a lollipop

The world slightly spins

Start to hyperventilate

Realize it is a trap

Get a hold of my self

Become calm

Escape for real

Come back

Free my insane friends

Shake my head when they fall for the lollipop trick

Realize that my sanity has come back

Jump for joy!

Go back and rescue my insane friends

Hide the lollipop so they won't be tricked

March to the Inu-pups house

Eat all the left over ramen before it goes bad

Smile causeI got chicken flavored

Smile even more cause Inuyasha gets none

Gasp when she showsme her mini Inu!

Poke the 3 inch tall mini Inu

Laugh

Go back to Kagome's house

Go through the well

Find Kouga

Take his shards while he is staring at the light bulb

Run away

Bring my crazy friends with me

Sell them to a mine so they can be crazy in there

Take the complimentary bag of money and horse

Ride the horse

Realize that I can't ride horses

Sell that too

Search for Kagome

Can't find Kagome

Go back to the well

Cry

Kagome comes to give me a hug

She gives me a lollipop

Lick the lollipop

Plot to write another 100 after a nice long nap

* * *

"That is a cool list Shippou. There is only one problem." Silly sally said

"What?" I asked. I saw no flaw.

"We are in straight jackets." She replied.

"Oh. That could be a problem."

* * *

Will Shippou ever get back to Kagome? Will he ever become un-crazy like the list says? Will the Inu-pup get a cookie? Will the reviewers be mad that they had to be punished? Can they understand that I'm sorry? Will I ever stop asking questions? How far will this fic go? How many people have this on their fav's list? Can I ever get over 100 reviews? Will I get to 50? Is anyone even reading this? Find out next time on

100 things to do with!

See ya soon!


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